Welcome to MaToyaSwagher! If you are here you are either a friend, family, hater, coworker, curious, nosy, classmate, bored, a stranger, interested or an inspiration for my blog. Whatever your reason for being here, you are WELCOME. I plan to use this blog as a place to express who I am, my views on the world, my daily encounters, the things that people know about me, but most importantly the things that people may not know. I hope to grow with this blog and become an inspiration for others to express themselves. I am not sure how prolific or politically correct this blog will be, but I can guarantee that it will be me! I have been writing since the 1st grade, but was truly inspired to "launch" my blog after the Homegoing Celebration of Mrs. Nancy Howery who literally wrote her life, the highs and the lows. My other inspiration comes from teaching. Out of all of the stories, poems, and plays that I have read as an English teacher I believe that I am most inspired by Ralph Waldo Emerson's "Self Reliance." If you have time or care to research him feel free to do so. His words inspire the way that I live my life and is a direct influence on me being known for speaking my mind. The following is an excerpt from Emerson's "Self Reliance:"

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them.
But why should you keep your head over your shoulder? Why drag about this corpse of your memory, lest you contradict somewhat you have stated in this or that public place? Suppose you should contradict yourself; what then?
Speak what you think now in hard words, and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. — 'Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.' — Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood---

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Damn It...I'm GREAT!

Again Welcome to MaToyaSwagher

Sunday, July 5, 2009

"Ex 101"

Is your partner's "ex" a reoccurring "issue" in your current relationship? Has your partner hit you with the line, "we were friends first?" The ultimate question is what place if any does your "ex" hold in your life? I will try to keep this lesson as short as possible. Ok here we go: exgirlfriend/exboyfriend, exhusband/exwife. We learned a lot of things in our wonderful grammar school days, things like addition and subtraction, subject and predicate, and even state capitols. Well for today's lesson you won't need any of those because we will be focusing on prefixes! Now we might be a little rusty on the definition, so here we go. A prefix is a letter or group of letters attached to the beginning of a word that changes or dictates the meaning of a word. Stay with me....the prefix that we are focusing on today is "EX." Say it with me...."EX." The dictionary defines "ex" as: out of, away from, without, former. So lets take girlfriend/boyfriend for example. If someone holds that title they function as your girlfriend/boyfriend, now I won't go into the details of that function because it may vary from relationship to relationship. Now when we take those same words, girlfriend/boyfriend and add a prefix we know that the prefix will change or dictate the meaning of those words. "EX" is our prefix. This means that those persons are former or without, meaning that they no longer serve as the girlfriend/boyfriend. Are you still with me? Good. Whatever their function was as the girlfriend/boyfriend should no longer exist So, whatever was going on, by the definition should be over. But it doesn't always end like this. But should it? Should an "ex" stay an "ex?"

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Dear Michael,

I know you the same way that the rest of the world does; as the singer, as the actor, as the writer, as the producer, as the dancer, as the artist, as the icon, and as the legend. If you notice I am talking in present tense because it is still hard for me to grasp the idea of you not being here, giving us hits like: Lady in My Life, Human Nature, Heaven Can Wait, Bad, and Thriller. And just like the rest of the world your death was a total shock. I was driving home from work in midday traffic, when I heard Donny Divo on Power 92 state "Breaking News, our own Michael Jackson has went into cardiac arrest, when we receive more information we will let you know." I instantly thought "he will be okay, its Mike." It felt like a dream, because in my eyes you are....I mean you were immortal. I listened to radio, my friends, blogs, and even LA times confirm that you were gone....but, I wouldn't accept it. I was even mad at people who were sending condolences to your family because I didn't want to believe that you were gone. But you are gone....only in the physical. The impact that you have had on music, philanthropy, and humanity as a whole, will probably never be reached by another artist. Your name will rank not only with the Elvis and the Beatles of the world, but more like the Bachs and Beehtovens who have proven to be the Greats, the ones who have withstood the test of time. It took me a while to figure out what I wanted to post about you in my blog and I have finally figured it out...I want to say THANK YOU. Thank you for breaking barriers, bridging gaps, building communities, billie jean, and most importantly, being you.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Leave it Like the Lancer

You know its over. You knew it was over when he/she woke up next to you this morning. Its over. You knew it was over before you two talked about possibly "taking a break." Its over. You knew it was over when you asked for the ring back. Its over. You knew it was over when the little things that you use to think were soooo cute, now get on your last damn nerves. Its Over. You knew it was over when you scrolled through your phone and called her......the other her. IT IS OVER, but YOU will not LET GO, so YOU can LIVE. What are you holding on to? Is it the time? People hate to feel like time has been wasted, because we all know that the one thing we can not get back is time. With that beng said why continue to waste time? Yes you have been together since high school, yes you share a dwelling, but lets be honest.....it is not working. We only invest time in things that we think are worth it, but there comes a time when we have to realize, ok I gave it my all and this is just not working. And guess what? It is okay. My first car was a 1986 Dodge Lancer, all black with tinted windows, and it had all types of cool hidden compartments. That car was the shit. My friends and I would take Halsted all the way from the Southside to Riddles Comedy Club in Orland in that car. It was a long ride, but we got there! I Loved that car. It held so much sentimental value. It was my first major purchase that I made from my first real job. I paid $550.00 cold hard cash for it (that was a lot of money for me). Yeah! No more UPass for me. This car got me through a Chicago winter, so you know I was in love with this car. But then it started to act up on me. One week it was the radiator, then the alternator, then some damn hose, hell everything went wrong. Everybody would say just get a new car. My response would be, "hell naw do you know how much time and money. I have put into this car?" After a while I hated that damn car, everything about it. That dusty ass black paint, that cheap ass tint and those stupid compartments ( I couldn't find shit). But I continued to put more time and money into it, until one day it broke down on me and my mechanic Rich (white dude from Trumbolt Park who had a lazy eye) said, "Toya you need a new engine." "A new engine? How much?" "With parts and labor about $600-700." Now I'm thinking, that is more then I paid for the dumb car. So I told Rich, "let me think about it." The car sat on my cousin Angie's block because it wouldn't start. I got all type of parking tickets for that car. That car stressed me out. The time and money that I had put into that car was not worth the stress and inconvenience that the car was putting me through. So you know what? I called the junk yard, they sent a tow truck and a guy over who said, "I will give you $50.00 for the car," I looked at him confused (in my mind I'm thinking he bullshitting right?) and then said deal! It was OVER. My run with the Lancer was Over. It got me through that part of my life. Guess what? Right after that I got a 1992 Chevy Cavalier...upgraded on your ass! A friend was about to sell it to a stranger, but because my car was out she sold it to me for the low. I almost missed out. And that is my point. Don't hold on to a relationship and you two start to hate and resent one another. Leave on a good note. Leave it like the Lancer. Besides you don't want to miss out on your Cavalier. LOL!

It's Just Somethin' About HER

Monday, June 22, 2009

Accept Me, Add Me, Follow Me......

Social networks...gotta love em.... Accept Me, Add Me, Follow Me......When I was first introduced to the myspace and the facebooks of the world I was ecstatic.....I was thinking......ok a new improved version of blackplanet. YIPEE. Blackplanet.com, the site that was so much fun during my undergrad years. When I was on blackplanet I kept up with all of my friends from high school, met new friends, and I had the best layout! My soror even met her now husband on blackplanet. Cyberspace is GREAT! Or is it? I forgot what blackplanet eventually became to me....I used blackplanet to snoop.... yeah I said it Snoop...hell naw to STALK! As a matter of fact I would like to take this time to thank blackplanet.com for providing information about all of the women who were a part of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Inc. Lambda Chapter from 1989-2000. Yup I used blackplanet.com to make me look good. To make it seem like I was so inquisitive, so interested...."So Yvette...I heard you like peach cobbler? Yeah that's my favorite dessert too!" LOL. "Oh Ros, you lived in Harvey? I have family in Harvey." LMAO....Now all of these responses are true, but I got all of my info from blackplanet.com. So thank you... Then there was.....drum roll PLEASE............MYSPACE... A site that was developed for artist to get discovered, ultimately became the place for your man/woman to get discovered, exposed. It is crazy I mean, we all have experienced the top 8 argument.......How many phone calls did I get that started off like this, "Did you know that nicca put her in his top 8?" "Why is that bitch ahead of me? I understand his sister and his cousin, but that bitch?" I am even guilty, "Is it any reason why I am not in your top friends?" In retrospect it sounds crazy....but does it hold any truth? Does your top friends dictate someone's relationship status.....I had one friend who went as far as eliminating all their top friends so none of his perspectives would have any fuel for the fire. Then there are the comments......Super dangerous. "Yeah I had a good time last night, hope to see you tonight." That comment would then be followed by another person saying, "So what time are you coming over tonight." The comment section fell off once users realized that they had the option to have comments approved....Whew...that saved several of us. But facebook gets the ultimate award.....I have seen all type of shit blow up on facebook. Let's see....where do I start....single, engaged to, married, its complicated, to no relationship status at all. Since when has facebook been the official place to proclaim your love? I think facebook is the ultimate jinx. Phase 1(Relationship Staus Change)X is in a relationship with Y. Phase 2(mobile uploads)- this is when a person uploads all of the pictures of them and their boo, this includes pictures taken while driving, in the mirror, with family, laying down, sleeping, eating, shiting, you name it, its captured. Phase 3 (status updates)- just in case u didnt see my pics, u will hear about me and my boo in the newsfeeds "Roses are red, violets are blue, you are the one for the week and I love you!" Now Phase 1-3 sounds great! You are cruisong on cloud 5 (Shout out to the 5 clubs) ok, back to business.....Ok u are on cloud 5 and people are commenting with scriptures from the Bible about love. Leaving comments like "You deserve it" "This is such a cute pic" "I can tell yall in love." Sounds great right? HELL NAW!!! Because there is a flipside to Phase 1-3....What is that Flipside you might ask? I have the answer....The FBI... Not the federal bureau (that is what it stands for? I think..)What is it? The FaceBook Investigators!!!! Yes we....I mean, they do exist! Phase 1 happens and that is when the investigation starts...."you know X and Y are together?" "how u know? "facebook." "you know X still talks to Z, I bet Z doesn't know." Whooooo...the FBI are rawled up now....Phase 2/3 (mobile uploads and comments) pictures are being tagged, copied, and pasted, emailed.....it can get real dirty.... I have seen it....just messy..... See but this is the ultimate test of your love...What do u do? Now Phase 4 is determined by Phase 1-3. If you let the FBI's get to you Phase 4 ends with "X went from in a relationshop to single" but if you are true to the love of your life and can withstand FB's Phase 1-3, Phase 4 will go a little like this: Newsfeed: X is now engaged to Y....and of course the status will read "All u haters didn't want to see it , yall lied on my boo, but now I am Mrs. Y!"

Thanks for Reading my first blog entry....By the way don't forget to accept me on facebook, add me on myspace.com/roundawaygirl80, and follow me on twitter.com/swagher01

It's Just Somethin About HER